Thanks a lot, NPR.

November 7, 2011

Okay. I know things have been quiet around here for a while, but this blog is largely about how I manage to do things in a comically wrong way. And sometimes, it takes a little while before my idiocy is apparent to me. I think that’s kind of what “personal growth” is like, only instead of blogging about it, you actually change. Or something. I really have no idea.

So anyway, you guys know how we have no TV? Yeah, there’s kind of no good way to say “Oh, we don’t have a TV. On purpose.” without sounding like a total douche, so I try not to say those words very often, but it is actually kind of relevant to this story. Because TVs have pictures. They also have news about current events.

And to complete my mis-under-knowing trifecta (of two things), I have been on an internet news diet because I always get sucked down rabbit holes of horrible and depressing news that disturbs and distresses me, and finishes off with a whopping side of guilt for even clicking on the link in the first place. You know, links to stories about dead babies. Or Kim Kardashian.

When I am not enjoying the sweet, sweet silence of a quiet house, I sometimes half-listen to NPR. Which has news, but no pictures. [—Can we just pause for a moment here, while you all clap for me knowing the name of the President? Thank you.—]

All of this is important* because I was driving around in my car today, listening to some call-in talk show and they were blar-blar-blabbity-bargh about Herman Cain and his political tailspin, and then all of sudden, this lady called in and started talking about race politics. (*this word may not mean what I think it does.)

And I couldn’t figure it out. She didn’t sound crazy. But wh’uck do race politics have to do with sexual harassment allegations?? And then another person called in, talking about race. And the hosts were all like ‘yeah, yeah, yeah! blar-blargh-blah-blah-blah.” And I sat there, at a stoplight with my head tilted, looking at the radio, and feeling like I was missing something.

You see, I did not know what Herman Cain looked like. My head created this image of a Republican candidate with a tax plan that sounds like a sale at an auto dealership, who is also the owner of a pizza chain called “Godfather’s” and who knows some dirty old man moves. And my brain chewed that information up and spit out a guy that looked like…

BINGO!

This is not Herman Cain.
Not even a little.

You’re welcome.

There you go, kids. Watch all the TV you want. Be informed. Then explain Jersey Shore to me.

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2 Responses to “Thanks a lot, NPR.”

  1. Dianne said

    We have TV..but no cable or any of that other fancy smancy stuff people talk about..like, we get 9483 channels..I always ask, how do you watch all of them? You can only view one at a time..Mike enjoys History stuff..and sadly we do watch the news, so I did know that Old Hermy wasn’t Cagish..
    I actually watched DWTS(Dancing with the Stars..or whatever other S word you want to use) for the first time a few weeks ago..first/last..what a waste of time when I could be knitting.

    Keep me amused..keep blogging..
    Sending LOVE!

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