Probably I’m dying

September 24, 2011

Lately, my fingers have been smelling like metal. Like, all the time. Is that a thing?

I asked the internet, and it said that I might be a robot. Or someone with a whining problem. But I have a sinking feeling that metal-finger-smell is probably a rare symptom of something awful. And totally deadly. Like Hepatitis Fe.

Ugh. I should call Dan and tell him I’m dying. Man, does he have a lot to learn. Quick-like. Metal-finger-smell-hepatitis-Fe sounds like it’s fast-acting, doesn’t it? He required instruction on “the best way to cook chicken” (after a few carefully worded questions, I found out that “best” = “easy+fast”) a few nights ago, so we have some work ahead of us.

Although, I’m sure he’d just sigh and say something like “I’m not coming home. And this could have waited. Because Hepatitis Fe doesn’t exist, Stephanie.”

Robots, on the other hand…

Yeah, I’mma need him to come home and smell my fingers, ASAP. I’m pretty sure that was part of our marriage vows, though. We wrote our own, and I can’t really remember what we said. I was too focused on covertly watching the drip of sweat trembling at the end of the officiant’s nose. Ah, the memories! But I think there was something about finger-smelling in there. Or there should have been.

Young lovers, heed my dying words and plan ahead!

I’ll let you know how things turn out. Unless I’m reprogrammed. Or dead. Or figure out how to stop whining.


2 Responses to “Probably I’m dying”

  1. coolbana said

    Been knitting or spinning fiber with a metallic mordant or dye? Maybe you need to change hand soap or lotion. Or stop smelling your fingers and do more knitting! Give miss Ivy a hug from Bedford!

  2. Coolbana, who are you?? 🙂 Hugs will be delivered first thing tomorrow!

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